Screws of the World!
It's The Screws Of The World, the new role playing experience. What follows it the result of an idea that CJ and I had one bored Sunday afternoon. We were wondering around discussing the solution to the revitalization of the UK economy ( sell the UK to America as a theme park : The United Magic Kingdom World Land Park Resort, long story), when we came up with the idea of a role playing game based on tabloid journalism. The original idea was to stage various newsworthy stories for the players to search out and photograph. But that seamed like a lot of hard work; arranging costumes, venues, props etc. So we decided to just give the players a list of 12 or so headlines they had to go out and 'report on' ie they had to fake them (a bit like real tabloid journalism!).
The players were split up into 3 teams of 3. Each team was given a disposable camera and told that they had to be back at base 'ready to go to press' at 5 O'clock. We started at around midday so the teams had roughly 5 hours to get the stories and develop their photographs.
On the day the teams returned with the photos and pitched their stories to the 'Editor' who awarded marks out of ten. The imaginary paper below is one possibility that could have resulted from the stories we uncovered. The words etc I have added over MANY weeks since. Enjoy.
Editorial
A week ago we sent out a team of our investigators to Cheltenham to see if they could dig up any interesting stories. This, we thought, would take a bit of doing but NO, it seems that in Cheltenham the unusual is an everyday occurence. In every direction our reporters turned they found strange goings on, even while they tried to escape for a quiet lunch.
We could speculate about the possibility that last week had some paranormal significance, but I and most of my colleagues think not. We believe that whether human, ape, extra-terrestrial or amphibian Cheltenham is the place to be. The supernatural is at home there.
Peter Pram!
Picnickers in Imperial Park looked on in astonishment as a baby flew out of her mothers arms. After a loop-the-loop and a double back-flip the baby returned to her mother none the worse for the experience.
One onlooker said 'I couldn't believe my eyes!' another advised 'That kid will grow up to be a high-flyer.'
Mystery Shopper
The Tesco Metro chain of stores has started to attract a never seen before demographic; the invisible man.
Startled shoppers could not believe their eyes as a shopping basket floated around the store.
What had attracted the invisible man to this store. The only possibility we could see was a 3 for 2 on Vanish tables.
McMonty!
A disgruntled student today decided to protest about the quality of McDonalds burgers. Tied of the tasteless, near vegetarian, junk that the fast food giant churns out, Mr Butcher decided to "Put some real meat" into one of their burgers.
The Screws Of The World has only one thing to say about this publicity stunt; What a whopper!
Satanism Made Easy
There's a new publication out in the shop for Christmas! Satanism made easy. A couple of budding satanists try before they buy and put the wind up a number of W.H. Smiths customers.
A guide to invocations in 10 easy steps & the A-Z of rituals means this book will fly off the shelves, LITERALLY!
Pitville Nessie
It's a sad day for all our Scottish readers, because it seams that Nessie has swum south for a warm spawning ground. This photo taken by the side of Pittville lake clearly shows a baby Nessie.
Don't dispair I'm sure that after Nessie has enjoyed the protection of local resident Neptune she will return to her native waters.
Coven to Coven
Only a few hours after the first group of satanists held their ritual another group of satanists hold a second black mass. With the free gift from Satanism Made Easy; a fold-away pentagram all sorts of rituals, rites, incantations, spells and summonings are like childsplay. Don't delay buy your copy today.
King Kong
No longer does David Attenborough have a monopoly on animal exclusives. Here at the Screws Of The World we bring you news of a new species just found in Cheltenham. The 'Pigmy King Kong', a dwarf sub-species of the famous movie star breed, was spotted scaling the heights of the north face of the Eagle Star building.
'No Comet'
Not quite an E.L.E. but, last week, an asteroid crashed to earth in front of the council offices. No one was hurt but an on-looker was shocked after the deep impact of the events registered.
Newsflash!
In the beer garden of local pub The Frog & Fiddle a visitor to Cheltenham came to a spectacular end. 'One minute he was sitting there rabbiting on and the next he was gone.' explained close friend Ashley Blake. All that was left was a fine powder and some personal items.
It's Park Life Jim, But Not as we Know It
Imperial Park, quickly becoming the weirdness hot-spot of gloustershire, saw another strange event last week. In front of many relaxing Cheltenham residents a flying saucer touched down.
ET Phone Home
Does anyone know the dialing code for Alpha Centuri? One of Cheltenham's extra terestrial residents tried to call home but, could not get a interplannetary connection. If I was him I would not try such a risky phone call so close to GCHQ. On the ohter hand who better than GCHQ to get the call through.
Drug Crazed Hippies
Erm..... Ok I give up!! There is no way I can do an article based on this dodgy photo. This is the limit. I mean look at it, it's just two guys standing next to a Pharmacy. Drug crazed, I think not. See what I have to work with! I used to work for the Times doing solid journalism, now look at me!
Firey Temper
The day is really heating up with an explosion of hot stories. Another spontaneous combustion. This time across town. Mrs Cole, the wife of the victim, relates what happened. "I told him to wear sun lotion. Cos' he might get burned. He told me to shut the f**k up and exploded!"
Invasion!
Have aliens started an attack on Earth? Has Cheltenham been chosen as the LZ for a Martian invasion? Amongst screams form onlookers a special army unit moves in to subdue the threat. Fortunately after a few minutes, and minimal collateral damage, it's realized that it's just ET's taxi to take him home.
